Preparing for a Future None of Us Can Predict

“Success in the 21st century depends more on knowing what to do when things go wrong than in getting everything right.”
-- Hara Estroff Marano, author of A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting



Resilience, what authors Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein define as “the capacity to deal successfully with the obstacles in the road that confront us while maintaining a straight and true path towards life's goals,” is an essential element in a 21st century student’s skill set.

In his fall 2008 essay “An Education President for the 21st Century: An Open Letter to the Next President, ” National Association of Independent School’s President Pat Bassett asks the following question:

“What skills and values will be essential for leadership and success in one’s family, community, and the marketplace in the rest of the 21st century?”

Bassett then argues that there are six skills and values—and that they match completely with the findings from the most thoughtful contributors to the debate on “what we should teach in schools.” What are these skills and values?

• Character (self-discipline, empathy, integrity, resilience, and courage)
• Creativity and entrepreneurial spirit
• Real-world problem-solving (analysis and synthesis)
• Public speaking/communications
• Teaming
• Leadership

I would argue that both classroom experience and clinical research tell us that resilience is central to the development of each of these six skills and values. Given that, how do we help cultivate this important skill and quality in our children? According to authors Brooks and Goldstein (Raising Resilient Children) and author Rob Evans (Family Matters), we cultivate resilience in our children by:

• Engaging in authoritative parenting in which we provide:
Nurture: Love and acceptance, unconditional positive regard, that which cultivates in a child that he or she is worthy of love.

Structure: The framework for how to conduct oneself; basic or fundamental expectations for one’s behaviors; boundaries and fundamental notions of right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate.

Latitude: Support for a child’s autonomy, creating a safe space to learn from experience; supporting children in learning from setbacks and mistakes as well as from accomplishments. (Evans)

• Teaching empathy by practicing empathy ourselves, with our children and in their view: “We teach our children empathy when we listen closely to what they have to say, when we validate their statements, and when we say and do things in a way in which they will be most responsive to learning from us.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Teaching responsibility by encouraging contributions: “If children are to develop a feeling of accomplishment and pride, we must provide them with ample opportunities for assuming responsibilities, especially responsibilities that strengthen their belief that they are making a contribution to their home, school, or community environments.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Teaching decision-making and problem-solving skills and reinforcing self-discipline: “Children require experiences from which they can learn and apply decision-making and problem-solving skills. . .This can be accomplished by involving children in discussions of how best to solve particular problems such as issues with friends, having them decide when and in what order to do their homework, having them consider ways to solve problems with a sibling or asking them to do research on a particular project.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Offering encouragement and positive feedback: “Resilience is nurtured when we convey realistic [and well-earned!] appreciation to children and help them to feel they are very special and important to us. . .Spending special time alone with our children, writing them a brief note of love or appreciation or hugging them. . .” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Helping children deal with mistakes: “The fear of making mistakes and looking foolish is one of the strongest roadblocks to developing high self-esteem and resilience. . .We must help our children realize that mistakes are an important ingredient in the process of learning.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

The work of Evans along with that of Brooks and Goldstein resonates with the work of Carol Dweck, whose research in the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success drives home a powerful point: Students who embrace a “growth mindset” (believing that intelligence can be developed through effort and hard work) are more likely to “confront challenges, profit from mistakes, and persevere in the face of setbacks [as a way of] getting smarter.”

Finally, let’s pay attention to the thinking of author Hara Estroff Marano whose recent work, A Nation of Wimps, offers some useful take-home points for parents and educators alike, perhaps the most compelling of which is this:

“Success in the 21st century depends more on knowing what to do when things go wrong than in getting everything right.”

When we cultivate resilience in our children, we help prepare them for a future none of us can predict. What greater gift is there than that?

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Academic Vigor Not Rigor: Making and Embracing a Meaningful Distinction

In her spring 2008 piece entitled “Rigor vs. Vigor” published in Independent School, Amy Purcell offers a meaningful distinction, one which I find myself using each day as I reflect on and support the rich, subtle and complex interplay between how children learn and what that means for how we should teach. Purcell writes,

“Consider the American Heritage Dictionary definition of Rigor :

1. Strictness or severity, as in temperament, action or judgment.
2. A harsh or trying circumstance; hardship. See synonyms at difficulty
3. A harsh or cruel act.

Why is it that so many independent schools in their mission statements, curricula, and marketing materials tout academic "rigor" as a salient goal? Do they truly want children to experience academics as severe and harsh?”

As Purcell notes, it is difficult to find a school mission statement or national report related to education that doesn’t invoke the term “rigor.” Given the definition of the word, that fact has important ironies—and some potentially devastating implications for teaching and learning.

As we wend our way through the first decade of the 21st century, educators—and all adults who are committed to the health and well being of our children and future leaders—must be able to offer a vision of teaching and learning that moves beyond “severity,” “harshness,” “hardship,” and “cruelty.” Writers as varied as Josh Waitzkin (The Art of Learning), Daniel Pink (A Whole New Mind), Carol Dweck (Mindset: The New Psychology of Success), Howard Gardner (Five Minds for the Future) and even The New Commission on the Skills of the American Work Force (Tough Choices or Tough Times) point to a vision of learning in and beyond the classroom that embraces what Purcell calls vigor,

“1. Physical or mental strength, energy, or force.
2. The capacity for natural growth and survival, as of plants or animals.
3. Strong feeling; enthusiasm or intensity.

Consider the possibilities of academic vigor: Is it not our goal to engage students as active, energetic learners? To empower students to think boldly and intensely about math concepts or scientific inquiries? Isn’t it our greatest satisfaction when students apply their intellectual and creative energy to problem solving in ways that inspire and extend our own understandings as teachers? I believe that we strive not for rigor but for vigorous growth, both mental and physical, at independent schools.”

At a time when fear and uncertainty threaten to choke off the creativity and sense of possibility that can best guide us through the current economic turbulence, we need the courage, boldness, determination, heart, mettle, soulfulness and belief in the capacity of the human spirit on which Summit School was founded in 1933. The roots of this 76 year-old school, like the roots of many of our finest Independent Schools, are imbedded in a fundamental understanding of and commitment to child development, learning theory, curriculum and subject area expertise, service and civic duty, and the best of the progressive education tradition: attending to the whole child, community, collaboration, fundamentals within a personally meaningful and socially responsible context, intrinsic motivation, hands-on/minds-on learning, and student agency.

We live in a time when we must redouble our efforts to engage our children—our future leaders—in academic vigor. For it is vigor, not rigor, that will cultivate and sustain in our children what NAIS President Pat Bassett describes as the “skills and values [that] will be essential for leadership and success in one’s family, community, and the marketplace in the rest of the 21st century”:

• Character (self-discipline, empathy, integrity, resilience, and courage)
• Creativity and entrepreneurial spirit
• Real-world problem-solving (analysis and synthesis)
• Public speaking/communications
• Teaming
• Leadership

Our best Independent Schools—those who, like Summit, possess the timeless and timely hallmarks of scholarship, vision, innovation, creativity, and care—live this crucial distinction between rigor and vigor each and every day with each and every child. This represents our heritage. . .and our future.

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The Bricks and Mortar of Learning to Be Responsible and Independent

“Children develop independence and responsibility through day-to-day challenges. The decisions they make, the resources they bring, and the consequences that follow are the bricks and mortar of learning to be responsible and independent. . .The internal strategies children learn to calm, encourage, and regulate themselves are important ingredients in their becoming independent and responsible.” -- Aden A. and Catherine U. Burka, “The Truth About CATs and DOGs” in Independent School, Spring 2009

In their brief but brilliant essay “The Truth About CATs and DOGs,” Aden and Catherine Burka provide a powerful reminder of the role of resilience in children’s learning. In a world filled with helicopter parents who readily (and well-intentioned but wrong-headedly) project their own insecurities and fears onto their children (goodness knows we adults DO have a thing or two to be anxious about!) thereby shielding them from fundamental learning opportunities, the necessity of understanding the role of resilience—and how to cultivate it in our children—is clearer than ever.

Operating on the premise that “the essence of a challenge is how children handle the feelings that well up inside,” the Burkas identify three stages that children go through in handling the feelings that are part and parcel of dealing with life’s inevitable challenges:

• Anticipatory Stage: Imagining how one will feel in experiencing the challenge ahead—e.g., reciting a poem in front of the entire class.

• Frustration Stage: This follows naturally when a goal isn’t easily obtainable—and can lead some children to give up and others to redouble their efforts or try new strategies

• Dealing with Feelings Following the Challenge: When the results aren’t what children hope for, how do they manage the feelings of disappointment? The Burkas note that it is during this critical step that “children gain perspective, learn from their experiences, and put self-esteem back on track.”

The Burkas link children’s feelings associated with the inevitable challenges they will face to their cultivation of a healthy sense of responsibility. In short, responsibility in the context of challenge takes the form of “personal accountability for the behavioral choices made during challenging situations.” On that point, the Burkas write,

“We learn, for example, that someone can make us angry, but how we handle our anger is our responsibility. To act responsibly, we need time between the stimulus and the response to bring in resources such as forethought, conscience, and alternative strategies and choices.”

Of crucial importance to teachers and parents is this: Children need our support not by our protecting or shielding them from life’s challenges but by our helping them be mindful or aware of their feelings about these challenges and to use that awareness to “initiate strategies to manage that discomfort”—and, ultimately, to meet the challenge.

The Burka’s thinking resonates with Dan Goleman’s writings on emotional intelligence (EQ), and drives home the inextricable link between EQ and success in dealing with the challenges and opportunities of day-to-day life. As the Burkas put it, this emotional self awareness “allows for adaptive resources to tackle the challenge.” In short, the adaptive expertise described in previous entries in this blog has its roots in emotional self-awareness and self-regulation. Our children can’t hope to approach new situations flexibly or to take the risks inherent in questioning their own expertise and attempting to move beyond their current limits (i.e., adaptive expertise) unless they have the emotional wherewithal (i.e., the emotional intelligence) to manage the complex and sometimes overpowering range of emotions that are so much a part of the challenges we humans face.

In the final section of their essay, the Burkas focus on what adults (parents and teachers alike) can do to cultivate within children both responsibility and independence. They identify two fundamental concepts:

CATs (Coping Adaptively with Tasks): “If parents and teachers recognize the incremental growth of coping resources and monitor for even small improvements, they can reinforce small and large victories.”

DOGs (Delay of Gratification): “Resilience and resourcefulness often begin with a Delay of Gratification. School achievement requires putting aside pleasures – the Wii, television, Facebook, etc. – and fulfilling responsibilities. Academic success is built on a strong work ethic, which requires the capacity to balance work and pleasure and know when to prioritize each. Adults should praise these skills as well.”

This brings us back to resilience, what authors Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein define as “the capacity to deal successfully with the obstacles in the road that confront us while maintaining a straight and true path towards life's goals.” Our work together as parents and educators is, after all, about serving the best interests of the children we love. What better way to support these children—and what greater gift to bestow—than to help our children equip themselves to meet, with confidence and competence, whatever challenges they will inevitably face?

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