Preparing for a Future None of Us Can Predict

“Success in the 21st century depends more on knowing what to do when things go wrong than in getting everything right.”
-- Hara Estroff Marano, author of A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting



Resilience, what authors Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein define as “the capacity to deal successfully with the obstacles in the road that confront us while maintaining a straight and true path towards life's goals,” is an essential element in a 21st century student’s skill set.

In his fall 2008 essay “An Education President for the 21st Century: An Open Letter to the Next President, ” National Association of Independent School’s President Pat Bassett asks the following question:

“What skills and values will be essential for leadership and success in one’s family, community, and the marketplace in the rest of the 21st century?”

Bassett then argues that there are six skills and values—and that they match completely with the findings from the most thoughtful contributors to the debate on “what we should teach in schools.” What are these skills and values?

• Character (self-discipline, empathy, integrity, resilience, and courage)
• Creativity and entrepreneurial spirit
• Real-world problem-solving (analysis and synthesis)
• Public speaking/communications
• Teaming
• Leadership

I would argue that both classroom experience and clinical research tell us that resilience is central to the development of each of these six skills and values. Given that, how do we help cultivate this important skill and quality in our children? According to authors Brooks and Goldstein (Raising Resilient Children) and author Rob Evans (Family Matters), we cultivate resilience in our children by:

• Engaging in authoritative parenting in which we provide:
Nurture: Love and acceptance, unconditional positive regard, that which cultivates in a child that he or she is worthy of love.

Structure: The framework for how to conduct oneself; basic or fundamental expectations for one’s behaviors; boundaries and fundamental notions of right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate.

Latitude: Support for a child’s autonomy, creating a safe space to learn from experience; supporting children in learning from setbacks and mistakes as well as from accomplishments. (Evans)

• Teaching empathy by practicing empathy ourselves, with our children and in their view: “We teach our children empathy when we listen closely to what they have to say, when we validate their statements, and when we say and do things in a way in which they will be most responsive to learning from us.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Teaching responsibility by encouraging contributions: “If children are to develop a feeling of accomplishment and pride, we must provide them with ample opportunities for assuming responsibilities, especially responsibilities that strengthen their belief that they are making a contribution to their home, school, or community environments.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Teaching decision-making and problem-solving skills and reinforcing self-discipline: “Children require experiences from which they can learn and apply decision-making and problem-solving skills. . .This can be accomplished by involving children in discussions of how best to solve particular problems such as issues with friends, having them decide when and in what order to do their homework, having them consider ways to solve problems with a sibling or asking them to do research on a particular project.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Offering encouragement and positive feedback: “Resilience is nurtured when we convey realistic [and well-earned!] appreciation to children and help them to feel they are very special and important to us. . .Spending special time alone with our children, writing them a brief note of love or appreciation or hugging them. . .” (Brooks and Goldstein)

• Helping children deal with mistakes: “The fear of making mistakes and looking foolish is one of the strongest roadblocks to developing high self-esteem and resilience. . .We must help our children realize that mistakes are an important ingredient in the process of learning.” (Brooks and Goldstein)

The work of Evans along with that of Brooks and Goldstein resonates with the work of Carol Dweck, whose research in the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success drives home a powerful point: Students who embrace a “growth mindset” (believing that intelligence can be developed through effort and hard work) are more likely to “confront challenges, profit from mistakes, and persevere in the face of setbacks [as a way of] getting smarter.”

Finally, let’s pay attention to the thinking of author Hara Estroff Marano whose recent work, A Nation of Wimps, offers some useful take-home points for parents and educators alike, perhaps the most compelling of which is this:

“Success in the 21st century depends more on knowing what to do when things go wrong than in getting everything right.”

When we cultivate resilience in our children, we help prepare them for a future none of us can predict. What greater gift is there than that?